Embracing Grief as a Spiritual Practice: A Journey of Healing and Transformation

In loving memory, gone but not forgotten.

Grief is an experience that many of us in the Western world tend to shy away from, both in conversation and in collective acknowledgment. It's often seen as a private journey, something to be endured in solitude until we're ready to rejoin the community. 

In this blog post, we will explore the profound insights shared by Rev. Ogun Holder, who I had the pleasure of talking to on my podcast.  Rev. Ogun has been on a journey of ongoing grief for almost eight years, having lost multiple loved ones, and how he has come to view grief not as something to be fixed or pushed aside but as a powerful spiritual practice. We'll also delve into how grief affects us individually and collectively, emphasizing that there is no one-size-fits-all approach to mourning.

The Weight of Rev. Ogun's Grief

Rev. Ogun's journey through grief is marked by a series of devastating losses, beginning with the passing of his wife to cancer eight years ago. This loss was only the beginning, as it was followed by the deaths of his grandfather, grandmother, and a close aunt, all due to cancer-related complications. The list continues with the loss of a childhood best friend to a sudden brain tumor during the pandemic, and most recently, the death of his father about a year ago. These losses came one after the other, piling up like an insurmountable burden.

It's essential to note that Rev. Ogun acknowledges that even with all of his losses, grief is not a competition, and there is no hierarchy of pain. Every person's journey through grief is unique, and it is shaped by individual circumstances, relationships, and emotional resilience.

The Unconventional Path of Grief

Rev. Ogun's perspective on grief is unconventional. He describes how initially, he saw grief as a relentless opponent, as if it were a boxing match, pummeling him into submission. However, over time, he had a profound realization that shifted his perception. Grief wasn't his enemy; it was a companion on his journey. He surrendered to it, allowing it to be his practice rather than something to overcome. This change in perspective allowed him to heal and find his own way to navigate the complexities of grief.

The Never-Ending Grieving Process

Grief is not a linear journey with a distinct beginning, middle, and end. It's an ongoing, evolving process, unique to each individual. Rev. Ogun shares his experiences with anniversaries and special occasions, highlighting that their emotional impact can vary greatly from year to year. 

Grief is a multifaceted experience, comprising a range of emotions, such as sadness, anger, relief, and joy. It can lead to a deeper understanding of oneself and one's relationship with the divine. Rev. Ogun emphasizes that grief can prompt individuals to ask profound questions about life, faith, and self-identity. It's a spiritual practice in the sense that it allows us to connect with our inner selves and explore the beliefs and thoughts that shape our existence.

Acknowledging the Importance of Acceptance

Grief often leads to acceptance, which is not about agreeing with the circumstances but rather ceasing to resist and struggle against the pain. Grief acts as a catalyst, unearthing buried emotions and traumas that have been affecting our lives for years. Acceptance is the first step in addressing these deep-seated issues, healing, and finding a way to move forward.

The Intersection of Grief, Race, and Gender

The experience of grief is influenced by a range of factors, including race, ethnicity, class, and gender. Ogun points out that for black and brown individuals in America, grief can be particularly challenging due to the added burden of systemic obstacles and microaggressions. Similarly, traditional gender roles can impact the grieving process, especially for mothers who are expected to continue their responsibilities while coping with loss.

Grief is a complex, multifaceted journey that defies easy categorization. Rev. Ogun's insights into his ongoing experience of grief shed light on the transformative potential of this deeply emotional process. Through his own journey, we learn that grief can be a profound spiritual practice, leading us to ask deeper questions about life and our relationship with the divine. By embracing and accepting our grief, we can find healing and transformation, recognizing that there is no fixed end to the grieving process. Grief is a journey, and it is okay to seek help along the way. Additionally, we must acknowledge the intersection of grief with factors like race and gender, as these elements can significantly influence an individual's experience of loss.

In a world that often rushes us through pain and discomfort, it is vital to remember that there is no normal to return to after a significant loss. Grief leaves us forever changed, but through the acceptance and exploration of our emotions, we can ultimately find healing, transformation, and a deeper understanding of ourselves and our place in the world.

About Rev. Ogun Holder

Rev. Ogun Holder is the co-founder of project_SANCTUS -  a safe, brave, online space to discover and be our Holiest self, and in so doing, together, create a world of love, justice, and liberation for all. He is an ordained Unity minister (2011), and an award-winning author, and he holds certifications in spiritual coaching, grief & bereavement counseling, and the Enneagram. 

Rev. Ogun is open to working with new clients for spiritual coaching as well as grief counseling. You can find Rev. Ogun Holder at projectsanctus.com and revogunholder.com

Listen to this episode of my podcast Seeing Death Clearly below.