What is a death doula and why do you need one?
A Death Doula is a non-medical person trained to care for someone holistically, taking into account the whole persons needs at the end of life. The doula helps to make sure their emotional, mental, spiritual, and physical needs are met. Death Doulas are people who support people in the end of life process, much like a midwife or birth doula does with the birthing process. Death doula’s that recognizes death as a natural, accepted, and honored part of life that can be celebrated and not feared.
Death doulas embrace the unique life journey each human is on with no judgment or ideas of what a good or bad death looks like for you. The idea is to have clients pass wherever they would like, whether at home or in a hospital, we work to make sure that the client gets the care they want at the end of life.
People often wonder, if they have hospice care why would they need a death doula. Hospice is medical care, death doulas do no medical care at all. Hospice staff tends to not have the time to spend with patients like they would really like, so death doulas are a perfect addition to hospice care. Both prioritize comfort and quality of life for the client who is terminally ill, but the doula is able to help make sure that the client's wishes for their death are met.
Death doulas are there to be present and hold space for whatever unfolds. This means removing individual judgment and opinions from interactions and focusing solely on the client's journey.
My clients are someone who wants to face death with a sense of peace and clarity. Whether diagnosed with a terminal illness or facing the idea that death comes for all of us, I can help to navigate the fears and concerns to help people face death with a greater sense of peace, comfort, and completion. People are often afraid of “being a burden” on others, and the planning and extra support can reduce these feelings as well as to help ensure that you get what you desire at the end of life. I help my clients rethink what it means to die and approach the end of life transition with a sense of wonder and spirituality.
There are many options for funerals and burials so a big part of our services are to help provide education on the options that people have so they can make the choice that is right for them. Using a death doula to help with funeral planning can save you money because if you plan ahead for burial and funeral options, you can make those decisions when you have time and space to consider what you really want. Sometimes when someone dies, loved ones feel pressure to “spend money” to show their respect and love for the dead. When you add in the emotional aspect of losing a loved one, it can be hard to make the best decisions, planning ahead makes it less likely to lead to emotional buying decisions and removes this burden from your loved ones so they can grieve.
A death doula comes to their client with attention to their needs, respect for their beliefs, and ready to serve them and their families. Also, things like legacy projects or discussing “unresolved” conflicts can occur with guidance, and this can help the dying and their loved ones face death with more peace.
Filling out your Advanced Directive will help save your loved ones the distress of having to make end of life decisions themselves during a crisis, when these choices can be made with the client and discussed with caregivers beforehand. The caregivers won’t be put into a position of wondering if they should or shouldn’t offer tube feeding, or should or shouldn’t continue life support.
What do Doulas do?
Support
It can be overwhelming and confusing when diagnosed with a terminal illness or the be the loved on who has to make healthcare and funeral decisions for someone who is dying and is no longer able to make their own decisions. It is even more difficult if you do not have a written plan that was discussed ahead of time. How do you decide what type of care is right for someone? Even when you have written documents, some decisions still might not be clear since the documents may not address every situation you could face. A death doula is here to help support you during this time.
Advocacy
Each person has a different idea of how they want to die. Where do you want to spend the last months, weeks, days, and hours of your life? Who do you want around during that time period? What type of comfort measures would you like to have? Do you want a home funeral with a green burial or a traditional Christian funeral? All of us like to live in a dignified manner, in a safe environment, free of pain and troubling symptoms, with clean bodies and clothing, appropriately hydrated and nourished, in nurturing and loving relationships, with the right amount of mental stimulation, and at peace with ourselves and the world. A death doula is there to advocate for their client and to try their best to ensure that their clients live their life how they want and to make sure their wishes are met until their last breath and beyond.
Community
Humans are social animals who live and die in social settings carrying with us our stories, histories and traditions. As we near death our roles in our families, our social circles, and community life evolve but we still have the need for community. Throughout life old relationships may fall away and new relationships are formed. Our ideas of what is important may change. Anxiety about our impending death may overwhelm us at times while during other moments we will look back at our life with a sense of gratitude and fulfillment. These feelings may be common among people of advanced ages or the terminally ill, but they may also be present in someone who is still young and active. Death doula’s help to educate and bring us together when talking about the end of life.